The asshole in question.

XxHATE_EMOZxX

State: Texas

Age: 16

blinkiez :9
URGHHHH!!! Too many words...

~* The Log of Peelspace's Weaver. *~

10/21/2020 03:27 AM

(8): i finally had a dream

i have a particularly hard time dreaming at night, so i spend the rest of my day catching up. i hate it usually because i want to be able to savor my own night hours, and tonight is probably my first and last dream in awhile.

i was suffocating in the world's shittiest aquarium. this tank included humans, allowing a walkway for people to travel exhibit to exhibit, and no glass separated scale and hands. floating fish sounded great but it was dark and you had nothing but the scraping of shrimp shells and raw angelfish flesh under your feet to navigate you. corpses piled on, mixing itself with the fake sand on the walkway and party city type beat seaweed streamers in the corners of the walls. i never realized how claustrophobic i could get.

i eventually left the aquarium and i walked into some sort of... i guess like a chuck-e-cheese's sort of establishment (no, the animatronics are not the point of focus in this dream.) i couldn't explain what the fuck was going on in this place except that mold was growing everywhere in this total backrooms slash weirdcore aesthetic feverdream, and there was a pile of meat slabs sitting smack-dab in the carpet. there was an animatronic show going on on the right-hand side of the room but i didn't feel enticed to look any closer. i was focused on the rats. crowds of people with blank excitement were merged with the amounts of rats pattering the tiled and carpet areas of the building; when they weren't traveling through every nook and cranny of the place, they were probably dead and their fresh carcasses got caught up in the passage.

this is one of my favorite dreams!


10/17/2020 10:22 AM

(8): halloween preparation

i doubt people my age still celebrate halloween, but i can't help be excited since... cosplay's kind of one of my other favorite hobbies! i don't exactly know how or where i'm gonna go to celebrate halloween considering the world's condition right now, but i'm thinking about dressing up as a certain purple-haired anti-hero. the day hasn't even started but i can't wait to leave the house after two weeks to go on a scavenger hunt to spirit halloween! some of the shit i want to get from there isn't even just for halloween this year. vampire fangs look good on me year-long.

10/17/2020 3:06 PM

got my hands on a new pair of contact lenses, but i'm a little disappointed i didn't find more shit i needed because my dad decided to take me to another store instead of spirit halloween. they even had a massive fucking selection of party supplies down to basic halloween costumes, and i still didn't find anything. they sold remote control tails though so that was mildly cool.

earlier my mom told me one of her friends was working with law enforcement and was thinking i should get a part-time job or at least volunteer since she knows i have a thing for criminal investigation, and personally i thought it'd be great if i could learn how things worked. it's strange how i'm actually growing, i am a living person with the indirect expectations of me saying "you are going to be a functioning member of society and help others." i've only ever really known myself for being measured by how much i hurt people for my own gain, and how i use people. and i'm contemplating siding on a forensics team...?

i guess i could make a good blood spatter analyst, or someone who works with analyzing speech patterns or mannerisms. i don't know, my life isn't exactly that planned.


10/10/2020 05:43 AM

(7): flaws

It feels nice to wash away the oils and sweat of your face and neck after working for hours on missing criminal inv. homework. Actually, I haven't felt this refreshed even though I'm trying to switch around my sleep schedule despite how well the night works for my condition.

I guess it's out of the bag that I am, in fact, in love with someone. Like, someone who makes me feel safe rather than feel like I'm stuck in the core of rivalry. With that, I'm completely conflicted with relationships. I admit it too!
I'm all set on the basics there is to know about myself and what I want out of my own mind and body. Relationships on the other hand are just not something I can actually position myself in.

I'm not a very committed person. I hate the idea of having to change my personality or jargon just because I slapped on the label of boyfriend on my left asscheek and dedicated my life to change. I like controlling people. I believed I'm not fit to belong in a relationship with someone because I'm actually a harmful personality. That's what I believed.

Now I'm confused as of recent stress. It's not like the asshole responsible cares enough to realize I keep secrets BECAUSE I'm scared of losing the only friends I feel good having around, let alone read my retarded blog. I'm confused. I don't enjoy being embarrassed after being exposed of my own predictions which I mistakened as truth. I'm a human, but a pitiful one not even capable of pitying others. And yet, he loves me.

We played Minecraft 2 hours ago.


09/29/2020 02:43 PM

(6): addressing you

Most aspects to my moral alignment were awakened because of Adrean, my blueprint. I learned how I can find the same amount of excitement from hating as I can from loving someone. To think I couldn't stop gaining more excitement from his trail makes me feel a burning numbness in my ankles and chest, as soon as I learn I have a "stalker!" I'm not mad of course. I wanna play.

Here's what I know about you Anon. You came from my Instagram story, along with 4 other people out of 41 followers around 11 PM. With this information, I was able to make a list of users I have yet to talk to during this time. Since you caught on with my use of the term blueprint, I can tell you thoroughly read my blog. Dear stalker, I want you to feel the same excitement as me; you wanted to make yourself known and plant yourself in my mind! You might even get off to the idea of your alias on the front page of my notes, but that's all you're gonna get unless you decide to surprise me more. If you were truly obsessed with me, wouldn't you want to move from being a background character to the closest you can get to becoming a deuteragonist in my story? I mean, if you were associated with Adrean, you HAD to have been close enough for a paranoid freak to let you talk to it let alone follow it. You know where I'm getting at.

keep watching me, sweet anon.


09/26/2020 09:13 PM

(5): shopping and ambiguity

today i was out in town, and a couple white chicks pretty much stared me down and went "wow, i thought that guy was a girl," loud enough for me and my strict traditional mom to hear. they even went back and forth about it, and i swear my heart would've bursted with excitement. sometimes, looking girly just enough to balance on a line of masculinity and femininity quenches my exhibitionist tendencies. like, i wonder how many strangers a day think about me, "the skinny and pale vietnamese boy who looked like he was on the verge of passing out i saw today". i also stopped by gamestop and hot topic, and got a new sweater

i also bought a sick shirt last month that came in today and i'm so fucking glad its in the right size. i usually get nervous about sizes because i'm abnormally small and skinny because of some metabolism issues, so online shopping sucks (besides, i love chances to leave the house). but i couldn't resist with this shirt. i'll make a list of places i shop at later under resources cuz i get way too many questions about my fashion sense X9! which, btw, the shirt is a rawring 20's tee from ghostkillerentertainment dot com. go nuts


09/25/2020 10:38 AM

(4) finished a series, and rambling about the art of lying.

Around 4:55 in the morning I ended up starting & finishing the entirety of The Promised Neverland and while, yeah, I could poke fun at a few parts of the anime, it managed to make me sympathize and indulge in the universe it created. I even ended up liking Emma towards the end, which is rare for me to change gears on the declared naive personality of the series. I got no other words besides how it ranks itself in my top 5 anime, but I'm probably gonna read the manga now. I also sorta realized I was supposed to make a streamlist like months ago. IDK if I wanna put it under resources or make its own page, but whatever. I'm in the mood to talk about lies and acceptance due to a hit of absolute fucking inspiration.

I'm a compulsive liar. I guess that sort of makes me a little threatening because paired with my stubbornness, my claims are kind of unpredictable (duh) and I tend to stick to them even when I notice they're lies. The best part is I'm not very worried about it! A few months ago my blueprint called me a master manipulator, and I can't just help get the phrase out of my mind because who wouldn't love a title like that? Lately I've been obsessed with finding out what exactly makes me supposedly more healthy than other liars.

My stubborn habits are a result of the fact that I put full faith in myself, because I had 16 years to think about what I want and what I am. I realized you can still manage to have alot of fun with the least bullshit life offers. When you're busy not having an identity crisis, it just makes lying easier because you've pretty much met your sense of validity and don't believe for a second that you can deceive yourself like you can deceive others. I'm actually a pretty simple guy, considering I'm living out of spite and fun. I mean, you don't see me having to repeat something to convince others a false reality because I need someone's fucking approval, do you?

Well, technically, I do but that's only because I have an issue worrying about my point getting across. It's always been hard getting people to understand my angle, at the bare minimum. That's pretty off topic, I guess. I lied. I'm not a healthy liar, but neither am I lying for a bad cause when there isn't a cause to begin with. But manipulating your path and viewpoints can definitely perk some ears!


09/24/2020 09:37 AM

(3): feeding the fire

This week I've been very productive. I found a couple of nice little information snippets on a blueprint I'm obsessed with, and it's pretty devastated I found it's neocities blog too. I think this situation is entertaining.

Of course i admit i'm a stalker, and I admit I enjoy the adrenaline I get from my blueprint's reactions (or should I say adreanaline)! I even justify my actions, because this is the same person who cheats or lies on others. The same person who would rape a child to prove a point, and the same person to go out and search for a snuff films with infants involved. The same person who uses people to imitate love, because it knows it can't satisfy itself in its cloud of bitterness. I know, because I see uncertainty in the people who needs fictionkin values to validate their actions, and uses a separate identity to shield what it hates about itself. So what am I doing wrong, ruining the life of a shitty person?

It already threatened to call the police years ago, but for what? Because I'm some petty stalker? I hope they confront me, so I can talk all about the things my blueprint has done

"Kennith." "Otis." "Adrean." "Bella." I'd love if you could read my mind right now!

09/24/2020 03:28 PM

holy shit, this retard deleted his blog. nice try, i'm still gonna find you! but on another note, i was driving to get lunch and saw the coolest roadkill i've come across in months. it was a deer laying smack dab in the middle of the road over the line, and its guts were all dried but spilt out. there were also a shitton of flies, and the poor thing's legs were pretty much snapped. speaking of driving, can't wait to get my license.

update: nevermind the blueprint decided to make a pity post lol. to be continued


09/23/2020 12:13 PM

(2): contemplating the revival of the murder ratings journal

A year and a half ago, I bought a black leather cased jounal from Office Depot, which I would write my opinions on murderers and their crimes, rooted by my philosophies on mutilation and the average grading system (1-100). Obviously I'm not a fucking professional criminal investigator, so all of these entries slid from the WWW unto my pen. I never exposed it to public eyes.

I'm not a very organized person; My room is glazed with laundry and cosplay, and a few plushies are salted here and there. Sometimes with all the trinkets I cop from all sorts of places, I just stuff them into the dresser because I'm not really much of a interior designer. Today I finally looked at the shit that's built up over the years, and my murder ratings journal was there (gathering dust with my sketchbooks from middle school, and broken game computers).

My love for gore and the processes that goes into murder isn't just something I can drop, because these values fit like a fuckin' jigsaw piece in other aspects in my life. This isn't opposition against the legal system to make murder legal, I'm not delusional. But when you've longed so much for passion, small things like just the state of being fucking forbidden is beautiful. I appreciate rules in a sense that they're meant to be broken (cheesy, believe me). Yet the higher the stakes, the stronger the contrast of the mind's flexibility against the world. How strong is a man's passion for murder? Or better yet, does he even appreciate murder, or does he use it as a tool?

Are you intrigued, reader?

I've been thinking about adding a fun log over murders popular over the internet, tucked nicely into Carver's Movement (my gore gallery). These entries will go over the same structure my original journal went by, but that entirely depends on my mood. I get bored easily!


08/20/2020 01:31 PM

(repost): are you happy?

What is happiness? Does it abide by the common sense the public worships? Does that common sense pride itself in the cracks of the inept? To live life is to be able to gain and take advantage from your hardships. This does not exclude abandonment. You are common. So what? That doesn't deny your self awareness, but being able to acknowledge that, no, you don't need to live up to a name or legacy, is all that you are about. That's a bonus. Reach for the low-hanging fruit. You can even find enjoyment in the seemingly simple, and maybe put your own twist in it.


08/18/2020 11:25 PM

(repost): my love for mutilation

Self harm is about the highest rank on stereotyping when it comes to labeling people as emo. It's practically taboo to even mention it just to keep the name of alternative clean, even if we inevitably get outcasted by the world. When people hear even the mention of self harm, they tend to cringe or squirm at the idea of sliced up skin and that gushing blood.

I get off to it. Now listen: I'm not as socially inept as most people like to imagine! I actually understand the reasons self harm is heavily connected with mental illness. That's only because the art of mutilation has only ever been considered as a tool-- a means to an end.

I was never able to learn entirely why carving was a bad thing, mostly because it's about as comparable to other body modifications such as tattoos or piercings. I think what separates me from the helpless and suicidal is exactly how self harm "benefits" one another. When I carve, I have no intentions to find a path outside of my life.

I officially learned about my fetish around middle school, scraping my outer wrists with a pencil sharpener blade. I wasn't that glum of a kid, but I definitely had always been in love with the concept of patterns and layers (though it wasn't JUST that). Everytime I had a nosebleed as a kid, I would swirl the blood around my fingers and let it dry. I'd let blood dry on top of another blanket of my own blood until it could crack and it would be like staring into candy-red droughts. I love gore! I love expression.


09/22/2020 9:11 AM

(1): REINTRODUCTION

Originally, my blog was kept on Friendproject until I decided recently to move it onto Neocities. I don't mind it however, since it's not like anyone is ever active on FP anymore. I joined to connect with others, but most of the time they don't even talk and especially don't interact with my blog posts. Or any blog posts. Which is boring, haha. But now that that's out of the way, let's shift the focus onto what you're here for: ME!

Welcome to my web log, the personal part of my website. Having absolutely no direction for this page, I would LOVE to keep it that way, hence decreeing this piece of shit "Ramble Central." I would be lying if I said I hated talking about myself because why else would anyone keep a blog, going on absolute blockbusters about how they vomited chunks like a sprinkler after rollerblading for 5 hours straight? Sometimes I'm not even good at what I do, but I've never felt a sense of urgency in life (probably because I mentally can't). And that's where this page comes in, satisfying my adventures of periodical tomfuckery. And YOU'RE here to enjoy it, so it's a win-win. If not that, gtfo because I'm gonna rave about a bunch of petty shit.

As of now, I'm gonna be reposting some of my posts onto here, and cleaning up my old shell of a blog (y'know, no shred of evidence left). Deuces, reader.

2019-20XX . PEELSPACE / GREY